


bungee cum

by yum3no



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, SHWING, YES i project onto kurapika, chatfic, illumi is not ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yum3no/pseuds/yum3no
Summary: killua will never be okay with the relationship between his brother and hisokaor:hisoka: roblox kin assignments
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 36
Kudos: 250





	1. Chapter 1

_**killua to hisoka, illumi, leorio, kurapika, gon** _

**4:21 AM**

**killua:** please tell me why i went to get a midnight snack and i saw hisoka in my kitchen

**leorio:** IAUEHFIAUEGYF

**killua:** i am literally so fucking tired i do not want to deal with this

**kurapika:** hisoka is in the zoldyck mansion?

**killua:** YES HE IS 

**killua:** I HATE IT HERE

**hisoka:** you didn't even say hi :(

**killua:** i saw him, let it process in my brain for like five seconds, then went back to my room

**killua:** GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

**hisoka:** illumiiii your brother is being mean </3

**kurapika:** i don't know what's going on

**leorio:** FUCK i missed 420

**killua:** illumi isnt with you??

**killua:** where is he why are you alone in my house?????

**illumi:** i am outside

**killua:** youre wh

**killua:** holy shit

**kurapika:** i am very busy right now but very curious

**kurapika:** please update us

**killua:** THIS MF HAS A BIRD

**kurapika:** elaborate

**killua:** BRUH I CAN SEE HIM FROM MY WINDOW HES JUST SITTING IN THE POURING RAIN WITH A BIRD

**kurapika:** like a big bird?

**killua:** _1 image attachment_

**kurapika:** can't see shit.

**killua:** its exactly what you think. he is sitting there, completely blank, and holding a bird in his lap

**kurapika:** in the pouring rain?

**killua:** in the pouring rain.

**hisoka:** how romantic~

**hisoka:** i might just come out and join you <3

**killua:** no you stay in the fucking kitchen so at least i know where you are

**hisoka:** i left the kitchen a while ago.

**killua:** god fucking damn it

**leorio:** dave

**kurapika:** WE ARE NOT QUOTING FUCKING HOMESTUCK 

**killua:** i hate it here. i fucking hate it here.

**hisoka:** illumi come back :(

**hisoka:** it's so lonely without you

**killua:** oh god you're in his bedroom

**hisoka:** oh, i've been here all night.

**kurapika:** NOOO

**killua:** I CANT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I AM GOING TO CLAW EITHER MY OR HISOKAS EYEBALLS OUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

**leorio:** its the dysfunctional family and relationships for me

**killua:** its the dead best friend for me

**kurapika:** get fucked

**killua:** its the dead clan for me

**kurapika:** I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

**leorio:** speaking of your dead clan

**kurapika:** oh my god

**kurapika:** HISOKA and ILLUMI are in here

**hisoka:** so?

**kurapika:** illumis brother is one of them

**kurapika:** don't even get me started on you, hisoka

**illumi:** do you wish to harm my family?

**leorio:** kurapika getting one upped in the formal language

**hisoka:** was kalluto even born at the time of the massacre?

**killua:** please tell me why illumi is now beating a tree with a plastic bat

**illumi:** coping.

**kurapika:** what happened to the bird?

**kurapika:** are you sure he isn't beating the tree with the bird?

**illumi:** i let it go.

**hisoka:** if you were feeling violent you could've just told me ~

**killua:** i do not like that squiggily line 

**killua:** illumi please tell your boyfriend to leave

**leorio:** wait boyfriend???

**kurapika:** do you have a problem, leorio?

**kurapika:** is there something wrong with a man loving another man?

**kurapika:** are your true colors finally showing?

**leorio:** i mean

**leorio:** its hisoka

**leorio:** theres something wrong as long as hisoka is involved

**hisoka:** you wound me. 

**leorio:** good

**killua:** if hisoka is not out of this house by 5 am i am literally going to go batshit crazy do not fucking test me

**killua:** i will rip his _shwing_

**leorio:** NOT THE SHWIGNSGSHG

**killua:** not the bang

**killua:** not the bang

**kurapika:** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**killua:** WHERE DID ILLUMI GO

**killua:** BRUH WHERE DID HE GO

**kurapika:** the only thing scarier than illumi right in front of you is illumi not being right in front of you

**hisoka:** are you coming back to bed ;)

**killua:** I AM 12 PLEASE 

**illumi:** no.

**leorio:** rip hisoka LMAO

**hisoka:** oh! i just noticed gon is in this chat

**hisoka:** where is he?

_**kurapika removed gon** _

**kurapika:** i have no clue what you're talking about

**hisoka:** aww :(

**killua:** thanks mom

**illumi:** mom?

**killua:** its just a joke bro

**leorio:** u mad bro?

**killua:** i dont need your help on this leorio

**leorio:** damn okay fine whatever

**leorio:** suffer the images of your brother and hisoka fucking in the room a few doors down from yours by yourself

**kurapika:** HGEABFAHBEFH

**killua:** I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU


	2. Chapter 2

**7:23 AM**

**illumi:** we are not boyfriends.

**killua:** the conversation moved on i dont want to talk about your relationship with hisoka

**kurapika:** how did hisoka get dick before me

**killua:** IM 12 

**leorio:** posts that make you go hm.....

**kurapika:** STOP IT WAS A JOKE

**killua:** DISGUSTING

**leorio:** wait so then what are yall

**leorio: @hisoka @illumi**

**hisoka:** we're married! ^-^

**kurapika:** bro that means hisoka is your brother in law

**killua:** THATS THE FIRST THING YOU GET OUT OF THIS

 **killua:** oh my god he is my brother in law

**kurapika:** let it sink in

**hisoka:** we're hubbies <3

**killua:** dont say hubbies

 **killua:** please

**leorio:** HUBBIES

 **leorio:** HUBBIES

**kurapika:** HUBBIES

**hisoka:** hubbies!

 **hisoka:** join us illumi

**illumi:** no.

**kurapika:** illumi lame asf

**hisoka:** :(

**killua:** its the clown husband for me

**illumi:** i'm not doing this

**kurapika:** recent uncovered information and discussion tortures me every waking second and i would like to commit a violent crime

**killua:** you wanna talk about torture?

**kurapika:** oh my god we get it you have mommy AND daddy issues

**killua:** every time you insult my family you are also insulting illumi

 **killua:** AND kallluto

**hisoka:** the spider

**leorio:** NOT THE SPIDER AEFHEHF

 **leorio:** are we not gonna talk about kurapikas torture

**kurapika:** jk nobody tortures me but myself

**illumi:** can't say the same

**hisoka:** i'll kill your parents, illu

 **hisoka:** all you have to do is ask

**illumi:** do not touch them

**hisoka:** i could do it right now

**killua:** right now?

 **killua:** RIGHT NOW???

 **killua:** ARE YOU HERE RN?????

**hisoka:** i was just dropping by to say hi~

**kurapika:** rip 2 killua

**leorio:** IAHAFHAIK

**killua:** i'm going to fight you

**hisoka:** oh?

**kurapika:** DO NOT

**leorio:** KILLUA LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER

**kurapika:** wait off topic but you literally can't leave killua and gon alone for one fucking minute

**leorio:** IUHFKESF

**kurapika:** i literally left to get a snack and when i come back gon is about to bash his own fucking skull open because he and killua were roughhousing

**hisoka:** oh my

**leorio:** ugh i hate having kids

**killua:** HE ALMOST POKED MY EY* OUT 

**killua:** self defense

**illumi:** ey*?

**killua:** yeah

 **killua:** bc like

 **killua:** kurapika

**hisoka:** they censored 'eye'

**illumi:** oh

**leorio:** BRO ITS CENSORED FOR A REASON U LITERALLY JUST USED IT UNCENSORED

**killua:** bruh i came out of my room for one second

**killua:** _1 image attachment_

**kurapika:** they're cuddling- 

**leorio:** revolting

**kurapika:** oooooh what if they kiss

**killua:** how old are you?

**kurapika:** older than you

 **kurapika:** bitch

 **kurapika:** i have to go

 **kurapika:** have some good old brotherly bonding, yeah?

 **kurapika:** you have a brother in law to add to your terrifying violent dysfunctional family

**killua:** LEAVE YOU DONT HAVE TO REMIND ME

**illumi:** killua, did you make lemonade?

**killua:** huh

 **killua:** oh yeah

 **killua:** gon and i were gonna have a lemonade chugging contest

**illumi:** where did you get the mix?

**killua:** what

**illumi:** where did you get the lemonade mix

**killua:** um idk i saw it on the counter and i was like 'yeah i think thats lemonade mix'

**illumi:** we never had lemonade mix.

**hisoka:** i just tried it

 **hisoka:** it's crack infused water

**killua:** ITS WHAT

**leorio:** im betting its that fatass brother of yours

 **leorio:** milluki 

**illumi:** you're probably right

**killua:** were you able to tell just by drinking it???

**hisoka:** yes

**killua:** w

 **killua:**??????

**illumi:** don't ask questions if you are not ready for the answer.

**leorio:** if hisoka said that then i wouldve still asked for further details

 **leorio:** but the fact that illumi said it makes it 100x more terrifying

 **leorio:** he knows things....

**illumi:** i do know things.

**hisoka:** he knows a lot ~

**killua:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 **killua:** WHY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the crack water was insp. by w6rship's chatfic 'neighborly genocide' sunglasses emoji


	3. Chapter 3

**11:54 PM**

**kurapika:** whats this about crack water

**hisoka:** would you like some?

 **hisoka:** there's leftover

**kurapika:** i

 **kurapika:** you saved it?

**hisoka:** why would i throw it out?

**kurapika:** because it's crack water???

**hisoka:** that'd be wasteful.

**kurapika:** i'm ashamed to admit that i'm curious.

 **kurapika:** was it good?

**hisoka:** it tastes exactly how you'd expect crack water to taste.

**kurapika:** i don't know flavors of crack, hisoka.

**hisoka:** really?

 **hisoka:** i'd expect you to be involved with drugs one way or another.

**kurapika:** that's unhealthy.

**killua:** UNHEALTHY

 **killua:** THE LAST TIME YOU GOT A GOOD NIGHTS REST WAS WHEN LEORIO AND I KNOCKED YOU OUT

**kurapika:** a concussion is not a 'good nights rest'

**killua:** YOUR DIET CONSISTS OF 3 CANS OF RED BULL AND LIKE TWO TORTILLA WRAPS A DAY

**kurapika:** that's specific

**killua:** WHICH WOULD BE EXCUSABLE IF IT WERE MONSTER BUT NO ITS RED BULL

 **killua:** THATS BESIDES THE POINT

 **killua:** BUT YOU DRAW THE LINE AT D R U G S ???

**hisoka:** monster > redbull

**killua:** god i cant believe im agreeing with hisoka

**kurapika:** what do you have against red bull?

**killua:** its like walmart brand monster

 **killua:** which makes so much sense because you are just walmart brand

**kurapika:** IM WALMART BRAND????

**killua:** its the clan for me

**kurapika:** STOP COMING AFTER MY CLAN THEYRE ALREADY DEAD

**leorio:** its the obsessive brother for me

**killua:** its the pining over someone whos emotionally unavailable for me

**leorio:** ouch

**kurapika:** its the being so disgusted by every relationship because you crave that kind of attention from a certain someone for a dumb preteen romance but theyre too dense to notice so you learn to accept the fact that you will never get what you so desire but you still cant help but spit your poisons on other people who are simply just trying to enjoy themselves while you drown in self pity

**hisoka:** holy shit.

**leorio:** i-

 **leorio:** wow

**killua:** *sobbing* its the dead clan for me

**kurapika:** KJFHKSED


	4. Chapter 4

**1:54 AM**

**killua added gon**

**kurapika:** why would you do this to him

**killua:** not my idea

 **killua:** he wanted to feel included

**gon:** tell milluki to add me on roblox

**illumi:** what

**gon:** drop milluki's @

 **gon:** i'll smoke his ass in arsenal

**kurapika:** arsenal players rise up

**killua:** rises omg

**gon:** rises

**hisoka:** rises

**leorio:** you all play roblox??

 **leorio:** seriously?

 **leorio:** how old are you

**killua:** nah youre just old as hell

 **killua:** we the youngins 

**kurapika:** i'm part of the youngins???

**gon:** yes :D

**hisoka:** me too?

**gon:** no :D

**killua:** JHAEDAJGFDJ

**gon:** but actually drop his @

 **gon:** ill win on your behalf killua <3

**killua:** dude you fucking suck at arsenal

**gon:** I DONT

**killua:** natural disaster survival is more up your alley

**leorio:** tag yourself roblox edition

**kurapika:** im gonna assign all of you roblox games based off your personality

**hisoka:** roblox kin assignments

**killua:** fuck zodiac signs what roblox game are you

**leorio:** no kurapikas the type of guy to go 'its because im an aries'

 **leorio:** i do NOT want to hear him replace is zodiac sign with a fucking roblox game

**kurapika:** hisoka - any obby but more specifically baldie's obby

illumi - the stalker: reborn

killua - murder mystery or jailbreak

leorio - welcome to bloxburg

gon - ragdoll engine 

**killua:** good to know im a badass

**gon:** ACCURATE AKJFBA

**hisoka:** i play phantom forces, actually.

**kurapika:** AHCTUALLY

 **kurapika:** i fucking hate phantom forces

**illumi:** i don't play roblox but i can assume you're right

**leorio:** I DO NOT FUCKGN PLAY WELCOME TO BLOXBURG

**killua:** oh right because youre a 'youngin'

 **killua:** robloxian high school

**gon:** THE ROKEPLAYSFJNSJDNF

**leorio:** i guess thats better

**killua:** wait kurapikas an aries

 **killua:** that actually makes so much sense

**kurapika:** yeah im an aries sorry you cant be me

**killua:** FUCK you for being an aries

 **killua:** you have burdened us with the responsibility of keeping your god complex in check

**leorio:** kp what roblox do you play

**kurapika:** speed runs

**killua:** kurapika running away from his problems and loved ones:

**leorio:** JHAEBFDJKAHBF

**gon:** NOOOSNFLM

**kurapika:** notice how nobody is laughing

**hisoka:** i feel left out

**kurapika:** good

 **kurapika:** motherfucker


	5. Chapter 5

**3:12 AM**

**hisoka:** i should add chrollo.

**killua:** NO

**kurapika:** i swear to fucking god i will go fucking crazy and fold you so fucking hard 

**kurapika:** you will never walk straight ever again

 **kurapika:** i realized my mistake the second i pressed send

**hisoka:** i didn't know you felt that way, kp ~

**leorio:** i am very uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the studio today

**kurapika:** DO NOT call me kp you fucking clown

**hisoka:** MAGICIAN

 **hisoka:** I AM A MAGICAN

**killua:** u might as well be a clown bc youre a fucking joke

**gon:** GOOD ONE KILLUA

**killua:** boom roasted

 **killua:** thank you gon

**illumi:** don't add chrollo

**kurapika:** SEE EVEN ILLUMI AGREES

 **kurapika:** LISTEN TO YOUR HUBBY HISOKA

 **kurapika:** chrollo is a BASTARD

**killua:** orphan

**leorio:** oh no

**kurapika:** son of a whore

**gon:** confused :D

**killua:** and a scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot

**kurapika:** n the caribbean by providence impoverished

**killua:** in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

**gon:** am very confused :D

**leorio:** just let it run its course

**illumi:** the ten dollar founding father without a father

**kurapika:** YESSUH ILLUMI

 **kurapika:** i hate myself

**leorio:** KSDJFGHSIUDFH

**hisoka:** yet again, i feel left out :'(

**kurapika:** maybe if you were cool like us you wouldnt be left out

 **kurapika:** come on killua and illumi we are the cool ones

**killua:** fuck yeah

**illumi:** okay.

**hisoka:** betrayed by my own hubby </3

**gon:** every time i see hisoka say 'hubby' i feel the urge to rip all my hair out then all of his

**leorio:** JASBDFHAEGFA

 **leorio:** nah falsettos is where its at tho

**killua:** of course you like fucking falsettos

 **killua:** go to horny jail

**kurapika:** gay


	6. Chapter 6

**9:12 pm**

**kurapika:** i think we should censor chr*llo

**leorio:** i second the motion your honor

**illumi:** third

**killua:** fourth

**gon:** fifth

**kurapika:** narrows eyes at hisoka

**hisoka:** sixth, but only because i feel threatened :(

**killua:** did you know illumi had a fnaf phase

**kurapika:** KHBFJAUIBFAI

**killua:** at like the same time as me too

 **killua:** it was a very competitive fnaf phase

**gon:** i heard of it :0

**killua:** boy you dont know fnaf?

**gon:** no :(

**killua:** im calling you rn 

**gon:** okay :D

**kurapika:** aw cute

**leorio:** we could be cute if we called

**kurapika:** no <3

**hisoka:** awh. young love.

**kurapika:** shut the fuck up chr*llo stannie.

**leorio:** CHR*LLO STANNIE AKBFAOHFIUASGFH

**hisoka:** what about me says 'chr*llo stannie'?

**kurapika:** you were the last to support the motion.

 **kurapika:** and we need someone to bicker with.

**hisoka:** i'm always getting picked on </3

**leorio:** as you should <3

 **leorio:** kurapikas rubbing off on me

**kurapika:** hisoka's one of those weird smelly freshmen who walk up to you with snot dripping down their nose and go 'hey wanna see a card trick' and when you say no they instantly kill you.

**hisoka:** omg kin

**kurapika:** you probably kin sangwoo

**leorio:** NOT SANGWOO

**hisoka:** i do not

**leorio:** kp kin assign us

**kurapika:** BET

 **kurapika:** ok illumi first.

 **kurapika:** i don't know you that well, sorry man.

**illumi:** i understand.

**kurapika:** i get hardcore yuri from ddlc.

**illumi:** ddlc?

**hisoka:** doki doki literature club

 **hisoka:** it's a horror game, darling

**illumi:** i see.

**kurapika:** and lowkey sakura from tbhk,

 **kurapika:** but that ones lowkey lowkey,

 **kurapika:** so mainly yuri.

**hisoka:** what about me <3

**kurapika:** DEADPOOL AND NICK WILDE .

**hisoka:** you have clearly thought about this before.

**kurapika:** shut up okay, i gave you very valid kins.

 **kurapika:** i could've just said sangwoo and you would've had to accept it.

**hisoka:** whatever you say kp~

**kurapika:** leorio you're kin assigned candace flynn.

**leorio:** what the fuck

 **leorio:** so they all get cool characters and i get candance flynn?

**kurapika:** watch your fucking mouth candace flynn is a goddess.

 **kurapika:** and fix it felix.

**leorio:** i'm beginning to think you hate me

**kurapika:** just beginning?

**killua:** we have returned 

**killua:** i just explained the entirety of the fnaf lore to gon 

**gon:** it was very interesting :)

**kurapika:** you don't have to lie.

**killua:** disrespect fnaf one more time

 **killua:** i dare you

**illumi:** fnaf is good. 

**kurapika:** fnaf kids are scary,,

 **kurapika:** anyway i'm kin assigning everyone.

 **kurapika:** killua, you're up.

**killua:** it better not be stupid

**kurapika:** shadow the hedgehog,

**killua:** lord give me a reason not to hurt this poor man

**kurapika:** and also max from camp camp.

**killua:** okay i forgive you

**gon:** my turn!!!!

**kurapika:** i'm already thinking about camp camp, so i'm gonna say nikki.

 **kurapika:** you can match with killua.

**gon:** HELL YEAH

**leorio:** i genuinely believe you were just trying to hurt my feelings

**kurapika:** this isnt about you, shut up.

**killua:** kurapika kins ben wyatt from parks and rec

**kurapika:** NO I DONT FUCK YOU

 **kurapika:** my kins are a secret.

**leorio:** nobody wants to go into that territory anyway, trust me

**kurapika:** did someone say they wanted my kin list?


	7. Chapter 7

**4:23 AM**

**gon:** you all suck :(

 **gon:** i found milluki's roblox by myself

**killua:** cuh brought out the mad hacker skillz

**kurapika:** go to sleep

 **kurapika:** both of you

**leorio:** im an adult you cant tell me what to do

**gon:** what :0

**killua:** mamapika is back

 **killua:** havent seen you in a hot min

**kurapika:** jesus christ

 **kurapika:** you're both 12 you need to sleep

 **kurapika:** leorio you're going to tell me 'why didn't you tell me to sleep' because you're going to regret this in the morning

**leorio:** i don't tell you how to live your life

**kurapika:** yes you do.

**killua:** you have a worse sleep schedule than us and you're 15

 **killua:** you sleep like three hours a week 

**killua:** you are in no position to critique our gaming schedules

**kurapika:** i'm 17?

**killua:** you look like you're 15

 **killua:** you're probably still in your emo phase

 **killua:** it's the eyeliner

 **killua:** you probably had an INTENSE emo phase when you were 15

 **killua:** i can already see it. 15 year old kurapika. eyeliner all around the eyes, all black clothing, clip-on piercings, 

**leorio:** don't forget the docs

**killua:** the docs

 **killua:** BLACK LIPSTICK

**hisoka:** i would love to see kp in black lipstick

**leorio:** yeah actually same 

**kurapika:** HEY LEAVE ME ALONE

 **kurapika:** my eyeliner is god tier for any phase

 **kurapika:** and i do look dashing in black lipstick, i'll have you know

 **kurapika:** leorio check pms

**leorio:** gasp

 **leorio:** DUDE U LOOK SO GOOD IN BLACK LIPSTICK 

**leorio:** saves photo

**killua:** he's gonna wank to that

**gon:** subject change!

 **gon:** i like your eyeliner :)

 **gon:** it's sharp

 **gon:** could cut a bitch

 **gon:** also makes you look pretty

**kurapika:** thank you gon, i appriciate it.

**killua:** makes kurapika look like a girl

**kurapika:** im going to go over to your house and fucking murder you

 **kurapika:** at least i'm a pretty girl

**leorio:** why don't you come over to my place sunshine

**killua:** GAY GAY GAY GAY

**gon:** KJABEFOUDHBFG :00000000

 **gon:** SUNSHINE

 **gon:** THATS SO CUTE

**killua:** gay on main

 **killua:** you activated leorio's simp hours with your black lipstick

**kurapika:** my power...

**hisoka:** how cute

**kurapika:** go back to sleep hisoka

**hisoka:** alright

**killua:** mamapika got hisoka too god damn

 **killua:** you're on a roll mom

**kurapika:** you're grounded

 **kurapika:** i will be taking your phone

**killua:** but mom :(

**kurapika:** silence

 **kurapika:** sleep

**killua:** joe said i could stay up though

**gon:** NO

**leorio:** STOP YOURE EVIL

**kurapika:** FOR FUCKS SAKE WHO IS JOE

**gon:** STOPPSDFJSDFJN

**killua:** JOE MAMA

_**kurapika removed killua** _

**kurapika:** TELL ME WHO JOE IS

 **kurapika:** YOU HAVE MENTIONED JOE MULTIPLE TIMES

 **kurapika:** YOU ARE YET TO TELL ME WHO JOE IS

 **kurapika:** WHO IS JOE AND WHY ARE THEY MAMA

**gon:** you'll always be the true mama 

**leorio:** I CANT BREATHEHFBA

 **leorio:** HEKP AIDUFHOIQH

**kurapika:** you're a med student, figure it out yourself

 **kurapika:** thank you gon, but that doesn't answer my question

_**illumi added killua** _

**kurapika:** WHY

**illumi:** killua asked me to.

**killua:** if you don't know who joe is, then you don't deserve to know

**kurapika:** lord help me i hate children

**Author's Note:**

> its 1 am idk bro i might post more i really dont know


End file.
